"The More boys I meet, the more I love my dog"

Well I found a dress and a date for that dance. And I have to admit at first I wasn't excited to be going, I was only going because a friend wanted me to go, but as the shopping and planning began I was getting excited. I could no longer contain the teenage girl part of me.

Only a few days after buying the dress and getting dinner plans and everything else all sorted out, I found out that my "date" was insuring people (people that weren't even his friends or mine) that he would have me in bed within two months. Now I no longer have a date to the dance and now I REALLY just don't want to go. I'm really starting to wonder if I can ever trust a guy. My mom keeps trying to get me to find a new date to the dance. I don't think she fully understands why I don't want to go now. 

I don't get it. I don't present myself as a girl who will just sleep with anyone, especially at such a young age. I mean everyday I wear a sweatshirt and jeans with a pair of tennis shoes. I don't wear makeup or style my hair to be all fancy. I just don't get it. Every new guy that I talk to now I can't help but think that they have an alternative plan because it seems like lately they have.

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I quit club soccer. I know you guys don't approve but I finally made my own choice about something and I didn't let you guys decide or help me decide. I'm not your little girl anymore. I need to make my own mistakes now so that I can learn from them. I understand that sometimes the parents know whats best but sometimes what is best is to let me make my own choice and let me deal with the outcome of it.This doesn't mean I don't love you anymore. You're my mom and dad. I will always love you.

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Sorry I haven't posted in more than a week but I haven't been able to come up with a good way of saying this until now.

Fun Times

This week was a great week and it's not even over.

1) studied like crazy for finals, it payed off.  :) 100% on the presidents test and foods final. My science final could have gone better but it didn't affect my overall grade so I'm okay with that I guess.
2) Found a date to tolo. I think my parents will approve of him. he's a good kid.
3) went and saw that movie after school today with my friend. We saw Woman In Black. We couldn't stop laughing during the previews because there no one else there and it was so quiet! That never actually happens in the theaters.
4) Tomorrow my mom and I are going dress shopping. It should be fun. Maybe we will go out for lunch.
5) Sunday is Super Bowl. I'm going to a party at my friends house that her parents have every year, it's always a lot of fun.
6) To make things even better the last couple of days have felt like spring. A jacket wasn't required to go outside for just a couple of minutes. 

Compared my usual posts this is a short one, it's also a little different. Hope you guys like it :)

A New Chapter?

Yesterday and today were both awesome days. People that I didn't want to see were not at school. I also got introduced to a couple new people who seem really nice and hopefully we can become good friends. I am determined to make the rest of the week good even though I have three finals on Thursday. (History, Science, Foods) History test wont be hard as long as I study because we just have to memorize the presidents. I am most worried about the science so I will have to study for it but I know what to study for because the teacher told us what is on the test. We actually started our foods final today because it's a 2-part final. Today was the cooking part of it and tomorrow we finish cooking and eat what we made. My group choose to make cheesecake, which I'm not a big fan of but it looked good so maybe I'll like it. On Thursday we have the second part of the final. Our teacher told us it would just be an easy multiple choice test though. Friday grades come out and it is the end of the first semester.
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Tolo (girls choice dance) is on the 25th and my friend really wants me to get a date so that we can go on a double date together. I think it will be fun but I don't want to ask a guy and then go through the whole he meets my parents and everything....I guess tomorrow the search is on for a date.

Have you ever wished you were home schooled? Not because it is easier or anything like that but so that you wouldn't have to deal with drama in high school? I know I sure have. I try not to get involved in the drama but this year it seems like I'm always a part of it. Sometimes it just flat out sucks.

Was it really necessary for you come up to me today just to tell me you have a sleeping buddy? For some reason I don't fell like it was. You haven't even talked to me since that day. What was the point in doing that? To hurt me? You already did that. Did you do it to make me regret my choice? I will never regret my choice. I wouldn't have even had to make the choice if you hadn't put me in the situation. I know you blame it on me but really it's your fault for making me have to say no when you already knew how I felt about the topic.

  Don't remember me when she forgets you


There is nothing better than coming home to a puppy who cant wait for you to pick her up. It's the best ending to a bad day of school.

She is getting so big but she will always be my puppy.

Escape

The pressure of being successful early in life today is sometimes unbelievable. Good grades, perfect appearance, the "right" friends, etc. The pressure everyday is sometimes unbearable. Being a teen is hard. When you say to your parents "I want to grow up" and they always reply with "no you don't" or "enjoy it while it lasts." Today teens really do want to grow up so that they can escape this stage of life. They just want the relief. Graduation requirements are tougher, colleges are expensive. A lot kids that can get into an Ivy league school won't be able to go just because their family can't pay for it. But if education is the most important thing, why do they make it so hard to get that education? Especially after High School.

It's not just the pressure of school though, it's also the pressure of society. Society teaches us that being different is wrong. So instead we try to be like someone else. The person that is perfect. Whether it's a famous person or the most popular kid in school. But when you try to live as someone else you lose yourself and your control. Today everyone is expected to be skinny and if you aren't you get teased. But being "fat" isn't bad, neither is being skinny. Everyone is different and everyone's body reacts differently.

Society also teaches us that being wrong is bad. From the time we can speak if we say something wrong or do something wrong we are scolded and corrected. We aren't given the chance to learn from our mistake, we just know that it was a mistake. School teaches us that we have to get it right the first time or not at all with the grading system. You have to learn from your mistake to become wise, wisdom doesn't just happen because you're old. But we can't learn from our mistakes when we are young because mistakes are bad.

"A winner is one who accepts his failures and mistakes, picks up the pieces, and continues striving to reach his goals."

If you could go anywhere to escape reality where would you go? I would go to the moon.

A change in direction?

Do you think that you are going to grow up and have one career but deep down feel like you are meant for something else? Something else that your family just doesn't expect and would probably mess with you if you told them you wanted to do this thing instead of the other thing? For the longest time I have wanted to be a wildlife photographer and while I think I could do it and everything I don't want to be even remotely famous. I hate being in front of crowds and once you become famous you can say bye-bye to any private life you once had. It's like I have this little voice telling me that I should be a therapist or something related to a therapist. I don't know why, I haven't had the greatest experiences with therapists/counselors in the past. But the more time that goes on and the more experiences I have the more I feel like being a therapist is the right direction for me. And instead of doing photography full time just doing it off to the side. I have never thought that I was the kind of person to present myself as someone that you can tell anything to and completely trust, but I must. I mean it's not "normal" for a 26 year old to tell a teenager all their problems and ask for their advice after knowing them for 10 minutes, is it? The problem with this? If I told my mom she would probably laugh in my face because she doesn't think I know how to deal with people that I am just meeting for the first time. My friends don't even know about this because to them I have always been their friend the future photographer not their friend the future therapist. Then again maybe I'm just saying all of this because it's after midnight. I guess I'll find out some day when I become a photographer or therapist. Who knows maybe I'll be a garbage truck driver.

Today was a great day, surprisingly. School was canceled because of snow and ice so I went on an early morning walk with a friend. It was really cold. I had a dentist appointment and that went fine. On the way home we got rear-ended. We were stopped at a crosswalk when the girl behind us ran into us. She was messing with her radio and when she looked up she said we were just there and she couldn't stop. Luckily nobody was hurt. We were in our truck and she was in a little car. She messed up the front corner of her car while our truck just got a little bit of white paint on the bumper that could be wiped off. When I got home I took my quad out and went riding in the snow. But I live in the middle of town and it isn't technically legal to ride in town. I think someone called the cops on me so I headed home and put the quad away. That's okay though because my hands were really cold. It looks like school will be canceled again tomorrow. We are supposed to get more snow tonight and throughout the day tomorrow. At this rate we may not have school for the rest of the week. 

SNOW!

This morning I got up to see snow on the ground and not just a little bit. There was 3-4 inches and we should get more in the next few days according to the weather. The puppy went outside and she didn't know what to do with the snow. She ate it, kicked it, and got really excited. It was funny to see her run, her run was more of a hop. There is an unexplainable silence that comes with the snow and I love it. I just like the snow. I probably wont have school on Tuesday and if I do it will for sure be a late start.

The weather says that it is going to snow this weekend. It predicts a couple inches of snow. I have my finger crossed for more. I hope my puppy loves the snow like all of my other dogs. It will be fun to play with her and see her reaction to the snow.

what's your story?

On Sunday I talked about how we all have stories and they play a big part in who we are. I don't know why but since then i have felt like i should give you guys a short version of my story, but first i want to say that i wouldn't change any of it. So here it goes...

When I was probably about 5 years old, my parents filed for divorce, but my mom and I didn't move
out before I was 7. Living with two people who hate each other isn't the best experience, even for a little kid who can't clearly remember a whole lot. We only moved to the next town over and in the middle of the school year. Luckily my mom drove into our old town everyday for the rest of the year so I could finish the year there with my friends. This is how I got into soccer. When the year ended and I would officially be going to the school in my new town, I asked my mom if I could play soccer in my old town so I could stay in touch with those friends. Obviously she said yes. I played on that team, traveling to the next town just to play soccer for 3 years. In between all of this my mom meet someone and married him. He would later become my legal father. (causing my last name to change) He became my legal father because my biological father was so paranoid about getting his money back from his child support check every month. (yes, my mom gave him money back that she was legally entitled to) That the one month she didn't give him money back because she hadn't received a check, he freaked out. He took it out on me and being the 11 year old that I was, I cried. That only made him more angry so he told my mom to come pick me up. I told him i never wanted to see him again and i haven't since. But he started threatening to force his visitation rights, I asked my step dad to adopt me. By now I was 14 and could legally say in court that I wanted to be adopted. My biological father signed the paper giving up his rights to me without thinking about it twice because to him it just meant that he didn't have anymore child support. I haven't seen him for almost 6 years now. So when i say "my dad" I'm talking about the man who adopted me, the man who loves me.
             -Any man can be a father but it takes a special kind of man to be a dad.
I don't hate my biological father because without him I wouldn't be here. I also never wish that I had a different biological father because if I did I probably wouldn't know the friends that I have today or have soccer. I love my life and as I said earlier I wouldn't change a thing in the past or the present.
 

Mondays. Are they really that bad?

Today I woke up like I do everyday of course. It was a slow start to the day because it was a Monday and I was tired from staying up late and waking up early with the puppy over the weekend. It started with Spanish...one of my easier classes. And then foods, it was easier then normal. Environmental science was after this and we just did an experiment on polluting the water and talked about how we are running out of water. During all this I am trying to cram in some last minute studying for my history test. Only to find out that we weren't having the test. This information made my day better by about 100% because I wasn't ready for the test so now I have it tomorrow and I will be ready for it. :) Had an unexpected quiz in English, but that's okay I did good on it. Math was fun, the teacher was in a good mood and had the whole class laughing the entire period. I came home to a 1 puppy and 3 dogs that are always so excited to see me that i can't help but smile back at them. All in all today was a pretty good day especially for being a Monday.

judgement

How often do you walk by someone and immediately judge them without asking yourself what their story is? Everyone has a story, and that story has played a big part part in making them who you see. Whether it's a rebellious teenager or a person with scars (big or small), they didn't just become that way.

So many many people, especially adults, will look at that kid in the mall with the pink spiked Mohawk, and the "weird" clothing and the facial piercings and think "how can their parents let them do that?" Maybe they don't have parents that are the greatest role models and maybe that kid is just lost and looking for a way to fit in. Do you think saying something like "wow how could you you do that to your body?" helps them? No, it doesn't. Actually it does the exact opposite. It makes them hate themselves even more and be less trusting of people. I'm no expert but i think that is something we need less of in society.

This brings me to my second example, some with scars. If it's a big scar that alters their appearance and the first thing you think when you see them is "They're ugly" Do you think they don't already tell themselves that everyday? Do you stop and ask yourself if they were abused, fought for our country and your freedom, or were the victim of a crime that someone committed because they got so angry at society they felt like it was their best option?

I'm not saying that none of you do ask yourself what their story is but to the people that don't maybe you should and think about it just for a second. Think about the damage that you can cause. would you want that to happen to you? Ultimately if you don't know what their story is you shouldn't be judging them.

 I have started this post a couple of times and deleted it. I feel like I should write about how excited I am to start this blog but really I'm more nervous then anything, maybe even a little scared. So as I was sitting here thinking, I thought of something that everyone can relate to. And that is that we all knew someone that changed overtime and we grew apart from them. Sometimes it's for the better and sometimes it's not. A lot of the time even if it is for the better we still dwell on the fun times we had with that person. Some of us might even dare to wish that person was still in our lives. I know two people like this. One was truly for the better and i don't wish they're still in my life, nor do i dwell on the memories of that person. But there is one friend from school who i was really close to but of course they changed and started getting into trouble. I tried to help them and they pushed me away. They completely stopped talking to me and acted like i didn't exist anymore. I cared about this person and it hurt when they left like that. My English teacher has always taught us that if we focus on one door closed we will miss the next door open. I have been thinking about this for awhile now. It is true but it doesn't make it any easier to let go. At the same time i have the rest of my life ahead of me and I can't afford to miss an opportunity for the future by being blinded by the past. So this is me officially saying goodbye to the past and hello to future, I am ready for you.